The Struggle

Our friends often marvel at how much the hubby and I have in common – values, life experiences, things that make us happy. We enjoy doing so many of the same activities for fun, too.

It’s fantastic. We hardly ever run out of things that we want to do together.

However, it’s a rare thing when we enjoy doing the same thing for the same reasons.

Take mountain biking, for example. The hubby likes to go fast. To push hard. To try the obstacles he doesn’t know he can do yet without fear even though there’s a good chance he’ll crash. I prefer to ride steady and long. I work up the courage to try new obstacles after several passes. I prefer to keep the rubber side down.

Or playing board games. The hubby likes to compete. To analyze every possible strategy. To play again and again even though he loses. I prefer to just play and have fun. I’ll look back at mistakes I made and ways I can improve, but in the end I just want to enjoy the time with my friends.

In most activities, the hubby likes competitiveness, aggression, and energy. I do, too, to some degree. But I tend toward the stable, consistent, dependable.

In most cases these differences aren’t a problem as long as we’re both having fun. I’m comfortable having different reasons for enjoying the same things. But the hubby sometimes doesn’t get what he wants out it – that energizing experience that you get when you’re along for the ride with someone who’s just freakin’ jazzed passionate about their hobby.

I can manufacture that jazz once in a while, but it’s not my regular state of existence like it is for the hubby.

Does anyone else out there struggle to strike this kind of balance with their partner? What have you tried that helps solve the problem for you?